PUTTING THE VICE IN WRITING ADVICE.

Swearing may occur.
   Yes, I look at advice for writers. Good advice. Advice that doesn't apply. Bad advice. And advice that falls under the category...

FUCK. Someone let this blogger's parents breed.

   There's one area of writing advice that is good when general and rancid rat-turd fuckslime bad when specific. This is advice on how to start your novel and how not to start your novel.
   Generally, try to grab your readers. Make the readers care. Being super-blunt, make your readers read the words set before them. Make the book unputdownable. Don't make the book into toilet paper.
   This is important. It's always been important. Now, though, our species has developed the attention-span of creatures who don't have time to make it through all the syllables in attention-span.
   So this is MORE IMPORTANT THAN AT ANY TIME IN READING HISTORY.
   The Amazon book-browsing experience hinges on the free preview. Grab your readers in the free pages. Drag your readers, panting and gasping, beyond the paywall.
   That advice is general. It is good.
   I'd like to address the problem of specific advice on how not to start your novel. As soon as people give you specific advice on this, slap them if within reach.
   When people dribble shit about things you should not start a story with, stack the coal high. Build that fire. Drop the poker in. Heat it well. Take the metal rod to buttocks.
   Grab your readers with the start of your story. Ignore petty lists of things you shouldn't start a story with.
   I'm thinking of this...
   Don't start a story with a canary. Weather. On an aeroplane. With a flashback. Don't start at the start. But don't start with a prologue. Don't start with a dog. Or a cat. Don't start with a dream. Or a nightmare. Don't start with a character sighing as he stares at his undescribed reflection in a mirror.
   Save that last one for the middle of your story. ;)
   Don't start with a car-chase. If you don't start with a dream, definitely don't start with a character waking up. Or eating. Waiting. Or anything. Don't start with a sunrise. Or a sunset. Avoid using the moon.
   These lists go on, into the eternity that is the internet. Ignore all that. Think generally. Grab your readers. Then, specifically, write your own fucking story.
   Does it start with a description of weather, and is there a scene on an aeroplane? Maybe that's the best start for your fighter pilot saga. Stories that started IT WAS went on to make loads of money for authors who were castigated for starting stories that way.
   And they did so before blogging was an electronic glint in the internet's eye.
   Start your story how you please. But do start it.